 |
|
There is a misconception common to any discussion on bisexuality or the acceptance of bisexuals into the queer community. The general argument against bisexuality (or why people insist it is a promiscuous, confused state in which to be), is that bisexuals are not satisfied with only one gender, hence neither are they satisfied with one person and that this is their ultimate downfall as honest or trustworthy people.
This misunderstanding is rooted in a basic lack of knowledge or understanding about the nature of the sexual orientation known mostly as "Bisexual," (How many people label themselves when they know that they love/or have loved people of all genders.) It would be nice to clear up this misconception once and for all. So Herein, will follow the myth buster.
First of all, when describing oneself as bisexual, people describe their "orientation" not their actions. It is a way of saying "I have been attracted to more than one gender in my life, and will probably always be." It does not mean that a person is saying, boy I can NEVER have sex with just women or just men. On the contrary, a bisexual's orientation is made up of the way they bond with people, have affection with people, communicate their innermost feelings with people and also desire people. This is a conglomeration of feelings and attractions related sometimes to sex and others to affection/trust/love.
This does not mean that bisexuals are "just like everyone else" and all monogamous, either. What it does say is that they are bisexual first, monogamous or polyamorous afterward. The fact is that people of all orientations have differing opinions about how relationships are formed and kept. For instance, the myth that all gay men are promiscuous people who can't commit because, one they are men and their hormones prevent it and two they are gay and their is no social construct for which they can look to is hogwash. So the fact that every talk show in the country has had a need to parade bisexual/polyamorous people on their shows and make their decisions about life a farce, does not mean we should believe it, anymore than we should believe that lesbians have penis envy.
The fact is a good proportion of the bisexual community that I have met in my work with Bisexual Network, USA have been outwardly polyamorous and this is not just a matter of sleeping around. these are people who form triads and have children with three adults in the family because they all agree they want to have a close life. These are people who believe that monogamy has become a bit of a regime in the world and don't want to fall in line.
There is also a good proportion of bisexuals that I know who find themselves swimming in a sea of inner biphobia because they do not want to be polyamorous and think they have to, along with many of us who know we are monogamous and fight daily to let people know that bisexual is a matter of what gender we are attracted to, not how many people we want at once.
But let me give some questions to you to ponder. If you are a gay man or lesbian woman, or if you are a transgender person who finds themselves to be gay or lesbian, when you are walking down the street alone, are you still gay or lesbian? Of course you are. It's not necessarily written on your forehead, but it is in your heart and head. If I am a bisexual dating a woman. Am I a lesbian really? No. I am still bisexual in my heart. I still see a nice looking man and can appreciate him. I don't have to sleep with everyone cute that I see. There are plenty of people of ALL orientations who do, though. As well, there are plenty of people who are happy being carefree and single. Who they sleep with is really none of our business.
Recently at the VCGLR town meeting there was a wonderful chance for the bisexual
woman's and the lesbian community to meet. A lot of what I heard from the lesbian
community made me frustrated. One of the things I remember hearing the most
was that many of these women felt they had made a political decision to identify
as lesbians. They still slept with men when the mood hit them and found that
was their right, but did not understand why a woman would cut herself off from
the affirming community of the lesbian world by identifying as bisexual. I would
like to say that the fact is simply that bisexual women are standing up to be
counted both for personal and political reasons as well. First of all, we feel
a need to get the healing done and let our entire sexual orientations out, come
out of the second closet as it were and be healthy inside ourselves. Secondly,
I would have to say personally that it is also a political statement to not
hide myself in the lesbian or straight worlds simply because repressing half
of my personality will make others comfortable. I personally choose to claim
a bisexual identity knowing that it means more work for me, and for the bisexual
community it means a growth that we need, just as they choose to call themselves
lesbian to help the women's community grow.
