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Dear Yolanda,
When they make the movie of your life story, who will play you and
the other important people in your life? -- Movie Buff
Dear Buff,
Madonna will star as Yolanda; Princess Di will make a comeback as
Cherie Tartt and the role of J'Andrue, the fabulous hair-styling maven of The
Cherie and Yolanda show, is being contracted out to Theater On a Shoestring
Talent Search Incorporated. At this time Helen Reddy and Greg Louganis are being
considered: whichever one makes it to the VT GLBT pride celebration this year.
Dear Yolanda,
What was your inspiration for writing my favorite song
"Angels"? --Curious in Colchester
Dear Curious,
When I first moved to Vermont I dated a guy who worked with
mentally challenged people. He loved his job and referred to the people he worked
with as "angels struggling to become people."
Dear Yolanda,
People are always saying, "well they told me to do this",
and "they said that I should", or "did you hear what they said
about ......". Is what THEY say true? And just who are THEY, anyway?
--Confused
Dear Confused,
"They" just so happens to be me, Yolanda; and yes, everything I say is true.
Dear Yolanda,
I am a young rodent living in a comfortable Hinesburg home with
three cats, a dog and two queens. The other day, while making my rounds, I
noticed this lovely silver house they purchased for me. There was a delightful
table of peanut butter and sun flower seeds set in the middle of the room.
Unfortunately, the walls collapsed and now I am trapped. Was it something I said?
--Oblina in Hinesburg
Dear Oblina,
Bad breath is indeed a terrible thing to deal with. It can wreak
havoc on the world--it's no wonder you are in the tragic state of affairs you are
in now. Have you ever thought of using Altoids?
Troubled by: Global warming? Global war? The new millennium? Ignorance of the fact that, Rising student debt? Rising U-Haul bills? Y2K? Bill's sex life? Your sex life? Bad hair? Internalized homophobia? Falling soufflés? A secret passion for blue eye shadow? Fret no more. Out in the Mountains is your complete community resource, and we're here for you in your time of need. Every month we feature a different community expert --
often with tongue firmly in cheek -- answering your questions, requests for advice and pleas for help with wisdom that sheds light on life's little confusions. Or not. Every month, Ask a... will feature a different community expert -- often with tongue firmly in cheek -- answering your questions, requests for advice and pleas for help. Next month "Ask A " presents Vermont comedian Pickles Reese fielding your questions. Yes, it's "Ask A Condiment." Make your questions specific, make your questions general, just make your questions appear in our office by the 12th of the month if you want them answered in the next issue. You can mail your questions to us at: Or 'Ask a...' via email... Click here to ask Pickles a question. Remember, Pickles is sitting at home RIGHT NOW, waiting for your letters. Don't disappoint him. The fine print: All letters received are subject to our regular publication policy and may be edited for length, clarity, or our own amusement. Publication depends on volume of letters received and cannot be guaranteed. OITM accepts no responsibility for the quality of advice or humor delivered. First come, first served. Caveat emptor. Ad hoc. This coupon has no cash value. Void where prohibited. No refunds. Hypoallergenic. Some assembly required. Not available in stores. Unsuitable for children under three years of age. No user-serviceable parts inside. Column may cause coma or death if duct-taped over face, swallowed in whole or in part, inhaled, or read at a Republican convention. No purchase necessary, but we'd sure appreciate it. Do not remove this tag. No animals were harmed in the production of this announcement and the column will not be tested on animals. God save the Queen.
despite popular opinion and big-budget Hollywood films to the contrary,
the new millennium doesn't begin until 2001?
Ask a..Out in the Mountains
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Richmond, VT 05477-1078
