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Over the last two years I have had an increasing awareness of just how much time really matters. I think this increasing awareness has happened to me for a number of reasons. It has also had a profound impact on how I choose to spend my time and energy.
First, several people my age that I have known and loved with have died during the last two years. Their untimely deaths have been a sobering reminder to me that time matters more than I have often let myself realize. My friend Margaret's death from a brain-stem aneurysm really stopped me in my tracks. She was only 43 years old and was just coming into her own in the pop music world. (It is no coincidence to me that Margaret's only CD is called "Right Now.")
Margaret and I had our own wedding music business when we were in school together in Cincinnati in the early 1970s. Margaret helped me to learn just how much music means in my life and in the lives of those with whom I share my gift. Margaret's death in March of 1997 spurred me to start a sacred music chorale called The Samadhi Singers for friends and members of the GLBT community. Margaret's death helped me remember just how important singing is to me. With her voice gone silent, I promised myself I would keep singing for the both of us as long as I am capable.
Secondly, each time I spend time with my parents or in-laws, I wonder how many more times I will get to be with each of them before they take their departures from this earth. They are all in their seventies now. This means Martha and I are spending as much quality time as we can with our parents while we can. We know that every sweet memory we make becomes another panel in a quilt of love we've been making all of our lives with them that will comfort us in our grief when they go. That time is of the essence is not an adage that has escaped us.
Last but not least, since moving to Vermont I have been challenged to question what it is I will do with my time professionally and personally. I followed Martha to Vermont so she could serve as a priest on the staff at St. Paul's Episcopal Cathedral in Burlington. This has meant that I have had to work really hard to figure out exactly what it is The Holy One wants me to be doing with my time. I think I have finally figured it out.
Since August the number of people requesting my pastoral counseling and spiritual direction services has more than doubled. This has been wonderful and it has also made me realize I can't do my counseling practice full-time and also hold an outside job. This has been very scary for me to realize. And it has also helped me to understand where "faith matters" and "time matters" intersect.
As I look ahead into the new year and wonder what the days and months ahead will unfold, I take great comfort in something I heard Oprah Winfrey say recently: "I don't know what the future may hold, but I do know who holds the future." The older I get, the more I realize that letting The Holy One hold the future makes it possible for me to live fully in the here and the now. My job is to spend what time I have today wisely doing the things I am called to do, trusting all the while that The Holy One is guiding and sustaining the process. When I let time and faith intersect in this way, I am happier and healthier for having done so.
Speaking of faithful time management, I want to leave you with a quote that has become a mantra to me on how to manage my time faithfully. Julie Evans is the author of these thoughts that I hope you, too, find to be a source of strength and courage for the New Year ahead:
"With all your heart say out loud, I want to live a happy life. Listen to what you just said. Take notice of things. Surround yourself with people you love. Listen to the wind. Imagine. Let everything change all the time. Let go of the why. Welcome miracles. Thank God constantly. Breathe. Tell the truth about how you feel. Make choices. Want what you want. Let the animals reach you. Have children teach you. Take good care of your body. Love passionately. Share your dreams. Spread your gifts. Check it out. Forgive the past. Dive in. Eat it up. Take chances. Be real."
Rev. Christine Leslie, director of Triangle Ministries - A Center for Lesbian & Gay Spiritual Development, is available for counseling and spiritual direction at (802)860-7106 or email revcsl@aol.com.
