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Happy New Year. So here we are in the final, year-long countdown to the year 2000. This is the time when I write my New Year's resolutions, then count the time before, one by one, I break them.
For 1999, however, I made only one resolution: to clear up some unfinished business in the Great Marriage Debate. And I'm keeping that resolution by asking you, Mr. and Ms. Queer Vermonter, the following question:
Why are so many of you so adamant in your desire to get married legally at a time in history when more and more people -- that's right, straight people -- are saying "To hell with marriage!" and engaging in alternative forms of partnership?
Did you know that there are, according to the Census Bureau, a record 5.6 million unmarried partners living together in the US -- only 30 percent of whom are same-sex? And their numbers are growing.
For the first time in the nation's history, more than half of all first-time births in the US are of babies born to unmarried women -- only 30 percent of whom identify themselves as lesbian or bisexual. Clearly, the social revolutions of the '60s and '70s long ago wiped out the stigma attached to what was used to be called "unwed motherhood."
It seems almost incredible, but the Census Bureau even reports that a whopping 74 percent of Americans define a family as "a group of people who love and care about each other," regardless of whether they're related by blood or not, regardless of whether they're married or not.
So why, at a time when legal marriage is losing its appeal with increasing numbers of straight people, are queers so hell-bent on partaking in what is obviously a crumbling institution? It makes absolutely no sense to me, especially with the growing variety of alternatives to legal marriage that are now available.
I'm a Pagan, and it's been a long-standing tradition for Pagan couples to "handfast" -- form a trial marriage without legal sanction -- for a year and a day. After that 366-day period (367 days in leap years), if the couple decides to stay together, then there is a formal commitment ceremony. It is the couple's prerogative to decide whether to have their commitment legally sanctioned. (Only about half elect to do so.)
Domestic partnership, all the rage among queer couples in the late '80s and early '90s, has become increasingly popular among straight couples, especially those under 30 and -- surprise! -- over 60.
In fact, some senior couples -- particularly those whose previous spouses died -- choose domestic partnership because they would actually lose significant financial benefits they receive if they married legally.
There is even an organization, the Alternatives to Marriage Project, that provides resource information and support to persons who choose not to marry legally, regardless of sexual orientation. It is an especially valuable resource for polyamorous individuals in multi-partner relationships. ATMP maintains a Web site at www.netspace.org/atmp.
So with all these alternatives available out there, why tie yourselves down with a marriage license?
RADIO, RADIO -- Regular readers of this column know that I host a weekly jazz and R&B program on RWGDR-FM (91.1), the community station of Goddard College in Plainfield. I am happy to announce that I am now also a part-time DJ at The Point (WNCS, 104.7 Montpelier; WSHX, 95.7 St. Johnsbury; WRJT, 103.1 White River Junction). I host the Saturday late-night show, "The Point Overnight," from midnight to 6:00 a.m. The Point also cybercasts on the Web at www.pointfm.com.
