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The conservative label has always lain uneasily on my shoulders. From my earliest days I've been much more comfortable being called a liberal. Progressive ideas were such a natural fit that some people thought I was radical. In the 1960s, as a white teenager in Alabama, I marched for black civil rights. In the 1970s, I proudly burned my bra and declared myself a free woman; in the 1980s, I found myself part of the anti-apartheid movement. It's not that I was a joiner; I wanted to change what I saw as wrong. My life has hardly been an example of true conservatism. I didn't like the 1950s, and I certainly don't want to go back there!
Somehow, since becoming involved in gay rights, I've lost my liberal label. Not in every situation, of course. To Pat Robertson, I'd still be somewhere to the left of Bernie Sanders on the political scale. But to some in the gay community, I'm somewhere to the right of Pat Robertson because I want to get married. Those who call me a conservative have added another label to me -- assimilationist. Am I? Is it my aim to be "digested or absorbed into the system" as Webster's Dictionary defines 'assimilate?'
To me, same-gender marriage is simply an extension of what I've always fought for -- expanding society to include the outcasts in order to make the society stronger. I never bought into the "back to Africa" view that some expressed during the civil rights movement. No, I marched with Dr. King's supporters, who said, "We are Americans, too." Was that assimilationist?
In a sense, we can never be assimilated into society because we are already a part of it. We don't live in some alternative universe -- we live here in America. The problem is that we aren't being treated like other Americans. We are being singled out for exclusion. We were born with the same rights as our neighbors, but we had those rights taken away from us somewhere along the line. Am I being an assimilationist to want those rights back?
With all the rights I've somehow lost over the years, I can make the biggest gain in retrieving them by working for the right to marry. Just think of the possibilities. If marriage were accepted, I wouldn't have to endure the annual 45-minute lecture from my doctor on "safe sex and the use of contraceptives." I could go anywhere in the US and not worry about sodomy laws. I wouldn't have to pack my legal documents on every trip to the beach on the off chance that one of us might need medical care. I could move to Virginia (God forbid!) and be legally allowed to rent a one bedroom apartment for two women. The list is virtually endless!
An anti-assimilationist friend of mine who knows my feminist background recently asked me why I would ever want to buy into the patriarchal institution of marriage. I pointed to the sign on my desk which paraphrases Bill Clinton's campaign slogan. "Why not? It's the Equality, Stupid!" Why should we be excluded from choosing for ourselves? We're as capable of deciding whether or not to marry as any heterosexual, so why should they make our decisions for us? I am a strong supporter of numerous gay rights groups in our community because I believe that any right gained by one of us is a right regained for all of us. I can also see that by the single act of gaining the right to choose marriage, we can eliminate a number of the individual fights we are involved in.
The Vermont Freedom to Marry Task Force is working for the rights of all of us from the pre-pubescent questioning teen to the free-love partygoer. Our goals are all-encompassing: dignity for the individual and equality for all of us. Our fight is your fight. Invite us to your group's next meeting and let's see where our goals meet. We're all part of this society. Let's see where we agree instead of how we differ.
If you would like more information about events or meetings or would like to invite representatives from VFMTF to speak at your workplace, community of faith, civic organization or whatever, you can contact us by calling Wendy Beinner (802) 652-0723, Roberta Garr (802) 223-7620 or Bari Shamas (802) 387-5788, emailing info@vtfreetomarry.org or visiting our web site, http://www.vtfreetomarry.org
