Arts & Entertainment
Jorge Martín: Composing Himself
Alix Olson: Combining All the isms
The Lesbian Polyamory Reader
Arts & Entertainement
The Lesbian Polyamory Reader
a review by Maxwell Stroud
The Lesbian Polyamory Reader:
Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy and Casual Sex
Marcia Munson & Judith Stelbaum, editors
Hayworth Press
On
a quiet Sunday afternoon, I am sitting alone and surrounded by love. My
best friend is in the process of moving into my apartment, and as I look
up from my chair, the sight of her things mingling with mine comforts
me. I’ve been curled up in the newest addition to our home, my sweetheart’s
overstuffed green chair that just recently relocated from his former partner’s
house. Looking up, I see a photograph my father gave me for my birthday,
and I remember I need to call home — a Sunday ritual.
They say that a culture creates many words for things important in the daily life of its members; that’s why Eskimos have so many words for snow. It’s always bothered me that English is lacking in words to describe the many different facets and faces of love. The title of the book I’ve spent the day reading, The Lesbian Polyamory Reader: Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy and Casual Sex, is an example of how cumbersome the English language can be when trying to capture something as poetic as multiple ways of loving.
This collection of essays, articles, plays, poems, and songs follows a progression in thought and experiences that charts a course from dichotomous debate to the real variety of human experience. Reading the foreword, I was greeted by the familiar and uninspiring argument that monogamous relationships are an instrument of patriarchal oppression and the only real route to radical liberation is through polyamory. I almost put down the book when I found myself being lumped into the category of "assimilationist." Almost.
I am intrigued by the idea of polyamory, and I’m interested in how people manage relationships with more than one partner, from the logistical aspects of coordinating day planners to dealing with issues of honesty, jealousy, and limits or rules. The editors of this collection, Marcia Munson and Judith Stelbourn, selected an array of works that provide the reader with narratives exploring a diversity of polyamoric experiences.
Although the title is terse, the stories within are filled with poetry. Marny Hall writes, "No matter how coupled we are, we rarely remain in actual twosomes for very long. Typically, pets or parents, children or friends, are constantly joining our magic circle." Lisa Lusero writes, "It is about building powerful relationships based on unremitting honesty and agonizing trust. Mutual trust. Mutual freedom. Mutual love — not every heart loves in a line."
The women included in this collection write unabashedly about every aspect of their lives in relation to polyamory, from their difficulty in finding a therapist understanding of their situation to the intimacy experienced with a primary partner that understands one’s desire for outside exploits. In addition to the truly intimate portraits painted by each author, this anthology is also unique in that the editors also provide information about how to contact the contributors and how to obtain copies of the articles.
After finishing the last page, I smile. I’m reminded of the many ways in which I experience love in my life. I’m still interested in the ideas of polyamory, but I have to agree with Ellen Orleans: "Frankly, polyamory looks like processing hell."