Advanced Repartee 301:

Camp Film Quotes

Reviewed by Roland F. Palmer

Nice Girls Don't Wear Cha-Cha Heals!

Camp Lines From Classic Film

by Leigh Rugledge

published by Alyson Books

$10.95

All of us know someone who seems to remember all those great movie lines and has a scathing silver screen nugget for every occasion. But Leigh Rutledge, who has never quite gotten over the double feature of The Oscar and Madame X his mother dragged him to see when he was nine, has taken it one step further.

In working through these childhood issues, he’s created the collection of classic film camp lines that is “Nice girls don’t wear cha-cha heels!”(Anyone care to buzz in on this one? Time’s up! This line is, of course, delivered by Roland Hertz to Divine in Female Trouble.)

In the book’s introduction, Rutledge explores some of the reasons he believes these unforgettable lines ever graced the screen to begin with and offers one possible definition of camp: “the real world made acceptable for people who have neither the wits nor the courage to understand it as it is.”

Tiny though it may be, the book is no wallflower visually; it features a selection of movie stills and some rather interesting use of fonts. And in the interest of encouraging scholarship in the camp arts, Rutledge also offers up a “Select Camp Filmography” with mini-reviews of some of his favorite campiest films of all times, and an index of films. In case you’re wondering, Now, Voyager wins for most campy lines appearing in this collection.

But on to the feature attraction, as it were. In an effort to make it easier to find the ammo you need – well, it might not have been an effort in that direction, but it has that effect – the book is organized into neatly named little sections. Find what you’re looking for in “If You Can’t Say Anything Nice·,” “Put It In Your Mouth,” “The Bible,” “Trashy Leftovers,” or “Classic Camp.” And if you need to break out the big guns, well, I ask you, what book on classic camp lines would be complete without an entire section devoted exclusively to Bette Davis?

Some of my favourite choice morsels:

“I wouldn’t suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!” (Divine, Female Trouble); “He’s no good, but he’s what I want.” (Judith Anderson, Laura); “What are you supposed to be – a birthday cake? Too bad everyone’s had a piece.” (Elizabeth Taylor, The Mirror Crack’d); “Oh, I’m bored. And I’ve only just gotten up.” (Capucine, Walk on the Wild Side).

What makes these quotes even more hysterical, in some instances, is the fact that if you haven’t seen the movie, you don’t really know what context the lines were used in – which ups the outrageous factor by an order of magnitude.

Which, of course, leads me to the admission that there are a few films in the canon of camp that I haven’t seen, but will be renting very soon from my local video store just to be able to pick out some of these lines.

So whether you are a movie buff, a camp aficionado, or just need to work on your snappy comebacks and party conversation, this is a must-have.