Out In The Mountains : Columns

All right, pumpkins, I give you fair warning. This column is not going to be gentle or nice. It is filled with judgments and observation that are frank and a tad damaging to certain parties. There is your warning; read on at your own risk.

Do you know who really gets my boxers in a bunch? Gay men, that’s who.

Pumpkins, I have had my fill of shirtless, overly conceited Neanderthals who place more value on their erections than their communities and go-go wannabes who perpetuate and propagate male chauvinism. This tedious and tired group have all the privileged arrogance of the football star and all the need to find validation through objectification often associated with his stereotypical cheerleader girlfriend.

Maybe I should give this breed credit for being the walking embodiment of the all-American dysfunctional couple, but what I truly feel like giving them is the gong. I am sure they feel they have a right to be valued. After all, they have strived so hard to be seen as the mirror image of their perversely overprivileged straight brother and spent so much on ads including phrases like ‘str8 acting’ and iso ‘real’ guy.

Here’s a news flash for all you Lil’ Abners on XTC: Matthew Shepard was killed by two ‘real’ straight-acting guys. Very hot, huh?

I have nothing against sex or good-looking guys. Heaven knows I have had my share of sexual experiences and have been known on more than one occasion to listen to that little voice inside me looking for its base needs to be met. I have nothing against taking care of yourself and celebrating life amongst your peers. Again, I have been known on many an occasion to ‘celebrate,’ many times above and beyond the call of duty. People are free to live their lives the way they choose ö that is, until the way that they live their lives affects the quality of my life.

This need to define and value yourself within the archaic and demonstrative confines of chauvinist heterosexuality is not only shameful but harmful. It is within the parameters of that chauvinist heterosexual mindset ö the one that views ownership, power, and privilege as a right of passage and natural order ö that homophobia, sexism, and countless other -isms breed.

The idea that one type of person is more valued, more the ideal, is exactly the type of thing that helped construct the events that left Matthew Shepard pistol-whipped and Billy Jack Gaither beaten and burned. It is exactly the type of mindset that helps encourage the assumption that rape isn’t violent, just assertive. This idea that anyone has the right to say something as sexist as ãno femmes,ä something as sizeist as ãno fatties,ä or as ageist as ãolder guys not wantedä is a nod to the lunacy that was the ‘50s male psyche.

Pumpkins, I completely understand being attracted to certain attributes; there is something sexy about a fireman oozing with primal masculinity. I am not deaf to the sexual fantasies of men, but I do think there is a difference between fantasy and reality. That’s the difference between asking to share your life with a character and hoping to share your life with a person.

Judging others and advertising those judgments is just another form of oppression, another way of mimicking what has been done to the gay community. Is it just me, or is there a popular notion, taken from the larger community and amplified, that we have the right to assert a social dominance over one another? That some types are more valued then others, and having that value means that they can expect to be more privileged? Why does the gym queen feel he has the right to judge the drag queen? Why do the assimilationists think that they can look down on the leather bears or monogamists feel they should sneer at polygamists? Who wants to get anywhere if they have to step on the backs of others to get there?

It is homophobic to use these standards to judge your value and the value of others. A single person is no less valuable than a person in a relationship, and leather pants are no more acceptable than wool crepe pants. It is all how we choose to live our lives. Pumpkins, a life spent knocking each other down just to feel good about ourselves is a life spent toeing social norms meant to keep people in boxes so the privileged can continue to enjoy that privilege.

Maybe we all had a crush on the football quarterback or track star when we were in high school. Maybe we were all a little envious of the beautiful girl in the exclusive circle. I will go so far as to say that maybe we all felt a little excluded from that circle or set. Does that mean that we have to emulate those characteristics now that we are older, more popular, more attractive ö or sadly enough, now that we have found a different person or group to whom we can ourselves play ‘more than?’

A little over a year ago, I said that although we didn’t pistol-whip Matthew Shepard, we did not take the gun away from his assailants, either. Every time we devalue someone based on who they are without knowing them, we put the pistol in the hands of another potential assailant. Hate breeds hate. Fear breeds fear. It is really that simple.

Looking for the straight-acting frat boy because somehow it is as close as you’re going to get to a straight man and you need that straight man validation is homophobic. That homophobia can steal the life from someone in your community ö maybe even yours.

We don’t live in a vacuum. We ask the world to celebrate our diversity, yet time and again, we chastise that diversity. It may be in subtle ways: a comment, a personal ad, a joke or slur meant to amuse. It may be a catty comment by the rich gay couple about their ‘friend’s’ misfortune, or the attitude we give the ‘SoHo queer.’ Oppression from within doesn’t have to hit us over the head. More likely it is subtle and constant, and slowly erodes our self-worth, esteem and confidence. We all live in glass houses, so isn’t it time we just put down our stones and learned to live together in peace?