Out In The Mountains : Health & Wellbeing

Several weeks ago, I had the pleasure of spending some time with a new friend of mine who is an ordained rabbi in the Reconstructionist movement of Judaism. I have enjoyed getting to know him, and always find our conversations stimulating and thought-provoking. I am intrigued by something that Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, the founder of the Reconstructionist movement, said about the nature of being Jewish: “Belonging is more important than believing.”

How I wish this were truer amongst those of us who call ourselves “Christian.” I envy the way my Jewish friends and colleagues seem to be much more comfortable with the various movements within Judaism than Christians seem to be with the various movements within Christianity.

Never once have I heard an Orthodox Jew tell a Conservative, Reformed, or Reconstructionist Jew that he or she is not Jewish because they interpret the Torah and the Talmud differently. They may not agree on the differences of interpretation, but there seems to be no attempt to claim this movement is Jewish and that one is not.

I have, however, often heard fundamentalist and conservative Christians, tell those who are not fundamentalist or conservative Christians that they are not really Christian. In fact, most Christians I have encountered tell everyone who doesn’t believe as they do that they are going to hell and don’t belong in God’s household.

The thinking that adherence to a certain set of beliefs a certain way is what determines who belongs to a certain group and who doesn’t often leads to rancorous divisions between people of faith. It is also the kind of thinking that leads to rancorous divisions between people of differing races, nationalities, ethnicity, gender identities, and sexual orientations. Can you imagine where we might be today were the thinking of most people in this country shaped by the notion that belonging is more important than believing?

The need to belong is a very powerful human need. It drives us into relationship with each other because we need what belonging can give to us. We human beings thrive on feeling that we belong in our family, our circle of friends, our job, our faith tradition, our community, our athletic team, and our world.

I’ve not met too many people over the years that like to feel shunned, unwanted, isolated, outcast, and exiled from human community or the love of God. Knowing that we belong, that we are valued and cherished for who we are and not what we believe is what makes genuine human community possible. It is what helps us grow into mature, loving people capable of accepting and loving people different from ourselves. Thus, I couldn’t agree more: Belonging is more important than believing.

So why is it that so many people still buy into the notion that their beliefs are the criteria that should be used to determine who can belong and who can’t belong to certain groups? Why is it that so many people are still so blind to the goodness of our common humanity in all of its glorious variations?

I believe it has to do with the fact that most people who think this way don’t feel a sense of belonging inside their own skin. People who don’t feel they belong inside their own skin, who are not comfortable with their bodies, who are not really friends with their bodies, who don’t really think much of themselves, are jealous of people who do feel that they belong inside their own skin.

Here in Vermont, we have watched and listened over these last several months to many people claim that same-gender couples should not, and don’t deserve, to belong to the “who can get married” club. Although these folks have usually based their assertions on beliefs that have ranged from the rigidly religious to the raunchy and ridiculous, I hear all of this as coded language for the discomfort they feel about being inside their own skin, how scared they are to face themselves and the reasons for their discomfort and, how frightened/jealous they seem to be of the audacious freedom with which we GLBT people live our lives.

What has really amazed me about all of this is the magnanimity with which our GLBT community, and our allies, have withstood the deluge of demeaning, derogatory assertions that have been hurled at us during the Legislature’s deliberations. It tells me that many GLBT people and our allies have come a long way and are not easily shaken from understanding that belonging is more important than believing.

We know that belonging to the human family as full and equal members is not based on adherence to an imposed, external set of beliefs but rather on the love and acceptance of oneself and of others. We also know we must challenge thinking that would have us think otherwise. I look forward to the day when we no longer have to do this work.

In the meantime, I will keep the faith that belonging matters more than believing when it comes to that which shapes and makes belonging to the human community in side ourselves and out possible.

Rev. Christine Leslie, cofounder and director of Triangle Ministries, A Center for Lesbian & Gay Spiritual Development, is available for individual and couple counseling, weddings, and retreat/workshop leadership. She can be reached at 860-7106 or revcsl@aol.com .