Arts & Entertainment
A very very very fine house
A very very very fine house
a review by Kendra Henson
“I’ve
spent my whole life explaining my family to people who just don’t
get it,” quips Ry, a 17-year-old straight woman with two moms and
a lesbian sister. Ry is one of the children interviewed for Our House.
Producer and director Meema Spadola tells the stories of five families
who go grocery shopping, eat dinner together, go to church, and love each
other. The difference between these families and typical “all-American”
families is that they’ve had to justify their love to the heterosexual
world.
The film starts off with each child sharing the most frequently asked questions and used lines in regards to their family, including such classics as “You call them both Mom? How do you tell them apart?!” and “I’m not a freak because my dad’s gay.” Most of the children interviewed in Our House are junior high and high school aged. Their feelings and experiences are articulated through strong senses of self and desire to deliver a message that family is about love, support, and encouragement. They demonstrate that their families are made up of the ingredients necessary to be a real, loving family.
“I
wanted to demonstrate that children of gay and lesbian parents come in
all different shapes, colors, economic backgrounds, religions, geographic
locations, etc,” Spadola said in a phone interview. “I wanted
to break the stereotype people have that gay and lesbian families are
all white, well-to-do people, living in upper-class neighborhoods. When
people think about gay and lesbian families they generally don’t
think about Mormon families, or African American families who take their
children to church.”
The family that first appears in the film is made up of a Latino father the kids call “Papa,” their father from New York they call “Dad,” and five adopted children ranging in age from 13 to four years old. Spadola interviews Daniel, the 13-year-old, while Papa teaches Jessica how to put on stockings without getting a run.
Spadola wanted the film to show that gay and lesbian families live the same
|
Produced and directed by
Meema Spadola Vermont Public Television Available on video from |
lives as their heterosexual counterparts. The one difference is the reality that homophobia does exist in our society. “Homophobia is real. It does affect the kids of gay and lesbian parents. They have to go through their own type of coming-out process when they tell their friends,” said Spadola.
Jessica, who is nine, responds to most questions almost as if they seem silly. “My parents might get married someday… maybe in Hawaii or something.” She tells Spadola that she doesn’t talk about gay rights issues with her parents. “I don’t even know what they are,” she says. So much for the hidden gay agenda.
The next family Spadola interviews consists of two moms with their 23-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter, a working-class family living deep in the heart of the Bible Belt in Arkansas. When asked if their neighbors know that their parents are gay, both reply that they don’t think so. Cary wonders how his neighbors would have concerns about his family “as long as we’re on our own property.” Ryan, who dealt with threats and violence in her school when classmates learned of her two mothers, seems a bit more shy in responding to questions.
Spadola,
herself the daughter of a lesbian, wanted the film to illustrate that
being a good parent is not easy. “I think it’s hard to be a
good parent and I wanted to show that it does take more than love to make
it work,” she said. “Being in a gay and lesbian family does
complicate interactions with the outside world.”
While we learn about some of the difficulties these families have experienced, we also hear about the successes. Spadola interviews a family of Mormons whose father is gay, and explores how the daughters work through issues of the church for themselves. The oldest daughter explains that she cannot be a part of the Mormon church because of their views on homosexuality, but understands that her mother and younger sister are willing to overlook that view because other aspects of the church are so important in their lives.
In contrast to the Mormon family, we also meet an African American family in the film who attend an openly gay congregation, where they celebrate through song and prayer. While one of the mothers mentions that the kids don’t really like sitting still and concentrating in church, as soon as the music and singing take hold, the kids smile and begin dancing. When Spadola interviews one of the boys about what he says to his friends about having two moms, he replies, “I’m too busy playing to tell my friends I have two moms.”
The
film wraps up with a look at a family in New York City, with two moms
who each gave birth to a daughter. One mom talks about the importance
of their family policy to not answer the question “Who’s the
real mom?” Ry is 17 and graduating from high school as her mother
notes that she can’t believe her oldest daughter is about to graduate.
Cade, who’s 19 and a lesbian is very supportive of her straight sister,
and even helps dress Ry’s boyfriend for the ceremony.
Spadola also explores the different ways these families were created. Some families adopted, others had children from previous marriages; some planned on getting pregnant, intentionally, others chose the artificial insemination method. The cultures, incomes, and races covered in the film add to its mind-opening message of commonalities within diverse lines.
The project was funded by ITVS and the Soros Documentary Fund of the Open Society Institute.