Mr Les B. Frank

Your Guidance Counselor for Life

Hey Mr. Frank,

I like all kinds of sex with other guys but the ultimate for me is getting rimmed. The problem is that I can’t find hardly anyone around here who is into doing it and the ones that are, aren’t very good at it. Is rimming more popular in some parts of the country than it is in others? Where are the best butt eaters?

Signed,
Rim Me Good
Essex, VT

Dear Rim,

Well, there was a saxophone player named Sean whose number escapes me now.

As serious as I am about Sean’s ability, a better suggestion would be for you to look in the mirror. No, I’m not suggesting that you lap your own butthole. Though, if you can do that, please have the process photographed and send me copies.

You know how good rimming feels to you. Demonstrate it to others. Some guys may have hygiene issues about rimming and others may have safer sex concerns.

Putting your tongue in someone’s lust cavern can be more intrusive to them than having your penis there. Talk about it. Share your ideas and let your mouth put on a show, if your partner is comfortable with that.

With proper training, anybody can learn how to give a good rimjob. So, you don’t have to go looking for good butt eaters around the country. The greatest rimmer could be real nearby. Just open your backdoor, invite the man in and have a seat.

*****

Hey, Mr. Frank,

I accidentally found out some information and, now, I’m not sure what to do about it. I really mean that I found it out accidentally. I wasn’t snooping around or anything. I was sort of talking to and flirting with a cute woman at a softball game (she hit two home runs!) and she told me that she wasn’t really available because she was dating a “married” woman. Then, she told me who the woman is and it turns out it’s a good friend of mine’s girlfriend. If I tell my friend, it could break up her relationship and she has always seemed so happy. If I don’t tell her and, later, she finds out that I knew and didn’t say anything, she’ll probably be mad at me for not looking out for her. Either way, it sucks.

Signed,
Mary Ann
Plainfield, VT

Dear Mary Ann,

Apparently, my assumption that lesbians are less likely than gay men to put their sexual business in the street is a mistake. This heavy-hitting softball player was pretty free with the information, particularly since she didn’t know who your friends were.

I’d suggest putting yourself in her shoes (or cleats) and considering whether or not you’d want to know and if you’d want to hear it from a friend. I think the best way to handle it may be to speak to the philandering girlfriend and tell her that you want her to do right by your friend. Give her a timeframe in which to either come clean to your friend or stop playing around with the homerun-hitting homewrecker.

I guess chicks really do dig the long ball.