Gayity
Mr Les B. Frank
Your Guidance Counselor for Life
Hey Mr. Frank,
I’ve been dating this woman for almost a year and we get along great except she is really in the closet. I’ve always been totally out, and I feel like a complete hypocrite when I don’t say anything when she introduces me to people as her friend. She never wants to do anything like go to movies or out to dinner because people would see us together and they might think we’re lesbians. Well, hello, we are! I don’t know whether to break up and find a woman who’s as out as I am, or shut up and continue spending time in the closet with my girlfriend.
Melissa, Bennington
Dear Melissa,
My gut reaction is to tell you to cut your losses and move on. Unless your current girlfriend has a plan to gradually become more open, you’re going to be continually faced with the issues you struggle with now. She’s putting you in a difficult position of having to go back in the closet when you’re in public with her. That’s no more fair than if you demanded that she be fully out, when she’s not ready for that.
Let her know how you’re feeling and give her a chance to think about what her closetedness is doing to you, and certainly to herself.
If she’s not willing to give at least a little, then, I’d say you need to leave your girlfriend in the closet and get on with your life.
*****
Hey Mr. Frank,
I can’t think of anybody else I can talk about this with because it embarrasses me so I’m hoping you can help.
My boyfriend keeps getting kinkier and kinkier. When we first got together, he was always asking me to do stuff like give him head while we were in the drive-thru at Burger King. Then, he started saying he wanted to do me up the butt in the bathroom at K-Mart. Last week, he told me to meet him at work — he’s assistant manager at a little motel. He wanted to have sex on the bed in a room where people had just checked out so the sheets would be dirty.
I’m getting freaked out by all this and I feel like I’ve gotta draw the line somewhere. He thinks I’m too vanilla and that I don’t have a sense of adventure.
What should I do?
Danny, Stowe
Dear Danny,
It sounds like your boyfriend needs to keep upping the ante to get off. I’ve given my share of drive-thru blow jobs and have even made the four-footed beast in a men’s room stall on a couple of occasions. But those adventures were always consensual, not one person coercing another. Having sex on someone else’s dirty sheets is a new one to me. I think his trip is the danger of discovery, not so much a desire to frolic in left-behind funk.
Since you seem to be increasingly uncomfortable about the progression, I think you definitely need to establish boundaries. You’ll need to talk about what you’re willing to do and how far he wants to go. And find out exactly what it is that he finds exciting about his ideas.
It’s all well and good to say “different strokes for different folks,” unless we’re the folks who are being expected to stroke in a way we can’t get into or off on.
Word to the wise: If you don’t set limits, soon, you may find ladies panties, diapers, a randy dog, and who knows what else in your house.
Like an undisciplined child, kink can get messier and more out of control with each passing day.
*****
Mr. Les B. Frank offers guidance counseling to people of all ages. He's also laundry supervisor for a very sweaty Greco-Roman wrestling club. Send your questions and requests for guidance to: HeyMrFrank@aol.com
