Gayity
Mr. Les B. Frank
Mr Les B. Frank
Your Guidance Counselor for Life
Hey Mr. Frank,
My new boyfriend is being a big pain in the ass and I’m not trying to be funny even though everyone laughs when I tell them the problem. He says that because his dick is bigger than mine, that means he’s the top. I’ve always been versatile and I don’t like him telling me that I can’t top just because he’s got a real big one and I’m only average. My friends tell me that I should be thankful I have a well hung boyfriend and just enjoy being the bottom. What do you think?
Signed,
Ruled by the ruler,
Williamstown, MA
Dear Ruled,
Sounds like your big-dicked boyfriend is being a big dick. There is no rule about penis size and sexual position. If such a rule does exist, somebody needs to tell a buddy of mine who is hung like a bull moose and is a total bottom. Using your boyfriend’s theory, I’d have missed out on some very satisfying bottom experiences of my own and would have been deprived of some average-hung guys who were world-class tops.
Maybe your boyfriend is afraid he’d like taking it up the butt and doesn’t want to put himself in what he may perceive to be a position of weakness. There is still a lot of internalized homophobia among gay men and some guys think that being the pitcher makes them more manly than being the catcher.
Of course, that idea and your boyfriend’s theory, too, are just like what you get on your dick when you’re banging a dirty bottom: A bunch of crap.
*****
Hey Mr. Frank,
I am afraid you’re going to tell me to be more understanding and, maybe I’m being selfish but I don’t want to. Here’s the problem: my girlfriend’s mother came to visit us for what was supposed to be a week. That was almost three months ago and she’s still here. We have a small house and the guest room used to be my home office and, besides that, it seems like her mother is everywhere all the time. She has even knocked on the door when my girlfriend and I were making love to ask if everything was ok.
Everything is definitely not ok. I’m climbing the walls and her mother shows no signs of leaving.
Signed,
Climbing the Walls,
Castleton, VT
Dear Climbing,
The visit was supposed to be for a week and your girlfriend’s mother has taken squatter’s rights on what used to be your office for three months? From your e-mail, it doesn’t sound like you’ve talked to either your girlfriend or her mother about the situation. What are you waiting for?
Speak up!
You have gone past the time when casual hints would have worked. Obviously, the woman is dug in for the long haul and your girlfriend must be fine with that or she’d be climbing the walls right next to you.
It’s important to respect our elders — especially when they are the mothers of our significant others. But respect is a two-way street. Neither your girlfriend nor her mother seems to be respecting you. And you don’t respect yourself enough or you wouldn’t have helped create this problem by not dealing with it sooner.
My gut reaction is to say, “Throw her out on her ass.” My more reasonable suggestion is that you have a serious talk with your girlfriend to resolve this situation. It’s long past time for her mom to head back to her own house. And, next time anyone visits, establish clear plans for when they’ll leave.