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Spilled Ink: A review of Going Down
Spilled Ink
A review of Going Down: The Instinct Guide to Oral Sex
by Ben R. Rogers and Joel Perry (Alyson Press)
Alyson Publications and Instinct magazine have teamed up to bring the world what they consider to be “the greatest gift to happy relationships ever,” in the guise of a how-to manual for blow jobs. Written by two gay men, this book aims to be the ultimate set of instructions for anyone who gives head to men. Instead, its 135 pages presented me with every euphemism for sucking cock that exists and bored me practically to death.
Perry and Rogers write in an irritating, over-the-top, syrupy-without-the-sugar style that reminds me of the way teenage girls write when they are trying very hard to be serious and complete a school paper. I can just picture the manuscript with huge circles hovering over the i’s instead of dots. For example: “You’re ready to start sucking cock. Great, but let’s consider for a moment just what sucking means. You’re creating a vacuum, and there are gradations of that, going from light suction all the way up to the Hoover Black Hole Super Suck.” Sure, dull-witted high-schoolers usually write about something other than oral sex, but the flat-attempting-seriousness tone and clumsy composition are exactly the same.
I don’t mean to be too picky about their writing style, especially because it cannot be easy to write an entire book about blow jobs. Even this review frustrates me because I either have to come up with a cliché or repeat “blow job” over and over again like the time my DVD player starting skipping during “Stud Suckers.”
Perry and Rogers also clearly meant this book as a guide for women who suck dick, but the almost mathematical precision with which a male-male example or tip is almost always paired with a female-male one adds to the monotony of the text. From a marketing standpoint, being able to sell this to straights as well as gays is a brilliant idea to increase sales, but it does not work. I certainly got sick of reading the disclaimer implicit on nearly every page “THIS BOOK ALSO APPLIES TO STRAIGHT SEX, PLEASE DO NOT PUT THIS BOOK BACK IN THE GAY SECTION OF BORDERS WHEN IT CAN BE UP FRONT” after the introduction.
The book does not work either as a guidebook or as a piece of humor. The mechanics of the authors’ language do not suffice to express their (perhaps) very funny ideas. Their jokes are bland and tired; any wit their original ideas for this book had has been sucked out and beaten flat in the vanilla prose.
In fact, the book is not even useful as a guide for giving head. It begins with ruminations about the importance of blow-jobs and introductory comments about sexually transmitted diseases. Next comes an orientation to the physiology of the penis followed by a chapter called “Hot Spots,” which tells you all the other parts of a man that can feel good. The rest of the book has information on deep-throating, anecdotes about the best head ever, some new positions to try, and an interview about blow jobs with an assorted group (gay and straight). With each chapter, the book becomes more and more useless, until the authors fill up space in the back listing places to give head. The only thing of interest in the entire book are the scarcely-veiled sex stories, some of which read quite well as erotica. One in particular, about a hotel bell-boy, is certainly worth checking out. Another one quotes a woman who wanted “his maleness inside” of her. I hope they’re kidding.
Perry and Rogers have failed at writing the ultimate guide to oral sex, but it is not a task that anyone could complete. Unfortunately, this book also lacks a smart-enough humor that would make the text fun to read even though it’s mundane. Giving head is fun, everyone likes it, and, as the authors write, the sky is the limit, but the only reason to buy this book is as a gag-gift for an uptight friend. The cover design will embarrass any tight-ass. Perry and Rogers do want to endow giving head with great power and link it to self-esteem and success in relationships, but in the end, a blow job is just a blow job.
Joel Nichols lives in Brandon, VT and Alyson Publications is publishing one of his short stories. Please don’t tell them about this review.