Gayity
Mr. Les B. Frank
Mr Les B. Frank
Your Guidance Counselor for Life
Hey, Mr. Frank!
I have been talking to this guy online for about a year now. We’re originally from the same area but I just started college in a different state and he goes to school in our state of origin. He really wants to date me and has wanted that for a while. I’m 19 – a year younger than he is – and I knew a long distance relationship would be the result so I resisted his come-ons.
Recently, I thought that maybe a long distance relationship wouldn’t be so bad. However, all he talks about is his fraternity and frat brothers who would either kill him or kick him out of the fraternity if they knew he is gay. If we were to start a relationship, he’d want me to meet his frat brothers. I’m fairly good at playing straight but, after just coming out in October, I don’t really want to.
On top of that, I’m really into the gay rights/pride movement. He thinks it’s a waste of time but those issues are very important to me. I don’t want to hurt him but I can’t see our differences being overcome. Maybe it should be obvious to me, but I’m torn.
– Torn
Dear Torn,
It may not be obvious to you but it sure is clear to me.
You are a proud young gay man and you don’t need to be stifled by your closet-dwelling frat boy and his homophobic ideas. The struggle for gay rights and gay pride is not what’s a waste of your time. He is.
Any guy whose world view is so limited that all he can talk about are his fraternity and its members, needs to watch the news, read a book and take an interest in what other people around him are doing with their lives.
Find a local love and be out and proud together. Let your frat boy settle for game playing and sneaking around. You deserve better.
Hey, Mr. Frank!
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. Recently, I installed a keylogger on my computer – it records all keystrokes and conversations, etc. – and I’ve noticed that my girlfriend is always asking people for their addresses. When I confronted her about this, she said it was her way of wiggling out of the conversation. I’m like, get real! I think she is cheating but I have no proof. She always has some elaborate story behind everything.
Another thing is she drinks like 7 days a week. And not just one drink a night. I mean getting totally drunk every single night. I asked her if she would ever choose alcohol over me and her response was, “You knew what you were getting yourself into at the beginning of the relationship.”
I need some major guidance on what I should do about this situation. I love her with all my heart but I’m so confused. She tells me I’m her life partner and the person she wants to always be with but I have my doubts. Please Help!
– In Love and Confused
Dear Confused,
You’re in love with a drunk whom you don’t trust.
Nowhere in your letter do you explain why you love her or what about her drew you to her and keeps you there, while you’re spying on her and confronting her about your suspicions and doubts.
You have a couple basic choices. Either trust her or don’t. If you truly can’t trust her, then, there’s not a lot of motivation to stay with her. If you can find a way to believe her dubious rationalizations, then, stop trying to catch her cheating and lying.
Whether or not she’s getting some sex on the side, she is definitely having a love affair with liquor. She’s made her choice and, baby, you’re not what she picked.
Sometimes love -- however twisted that love may be – isn’t nearly enough. Your love can’t fix her problems and the situation isn’t going to improve unless she gets help.
You don’t need a keylogger to spell that out for you.
Mr. Les B. Frank offers guidance counseling to people of all ages. He's also a physical therapy consultant specializing in massages on pulled groin muscles. Some letters are edited for length, spelling or grammar. Send your questions and requests for guidance to HeyMrFrank@aol.com