Gayity
Mr. Les B. Frank
Mr. Les B. Frank
Your Guidance Counselor for Life
Hot Sex Not Worth Risking HIV
Hey, Mr. Frank,
My new boyfriend is so hot you could like fry an egg on him. We have been having great sex for like two weeks but now he’s saying that he wants to do it without a condom. I am HIV-negative and have always done safe sex. He doesn’t know whether he’s positive or negative because he says he doesn’t want to get tested and have to deal with all that.
I definitely need some guidance on this.
Brett
Dear Brett,
You need more than guidance. You may need a new boyfriend. He’s being irresponsible by not getting tested. I understand that fear can cause people to want to avoid knowing their status but fear is no excuse for putting other people at risk. No man is so hot and no sex is so great that we should put aside our own principles and allow ourselves to be coaxed into risky behavior. He should get tested and you should stick to safer sex.
Hey, Mr. Frank,
I am a happy and healthy single lesbian in my mid 30s. I'd love to have a child but I want to be in a relationship first, before I take the big plunge. I"m wondering if it’s wise to communicate this goal to prospective dates? I'm also wondering where I should meet women with similar ideals?
Shanna
Dear Shanna,
Telling prospective dates about your goal will definitely thin out the herd but, in this case, that can be a good thing. If you’re as serious about parenting as you sound, you don’t want to get involved with a woman who has no interest in having kids. I know some single mothers who are doing a great job raising children on their own but, certainly, two parents – whether they’re two women, two men or one of each – can benefit from a team approach to nurturing, tasks and finances. Find out what resources are out there for folks with your aspirations. Try a personal ad telling possible partners exactly what you told me. The road you’re choosing isn’t easy. But, if you stay the course and surround yourself with supportive friends and family, the path is less daunting. And, remember, it’s never too early to start a college fund for your kids.
Hey, Mr. Frank!
Recently I started dating this great guy. I really want my friends to meet him, but the vast majority of my friends are straight males. They are all very cool with my sexuality but they've never had to deal with me having a boyfriend. I'm not sure how they will react. How should I handle the introduction?
Wanting to show and tell
Hey, buddy,
Try, this: “Guys, this is my boyfriend.”
Don’t make it a big deal and it’s less likely to be a big deal for them. It’s great that your friends are comfortable with your sexuality but that’s as it should be. Gay people are expected to understand and endorse every straight relationship that comes down the pike, yet, we don’t demand the same kind of acceptance and support for our own relationships. Public displays of affection are more of a gray area. Holding hands and kissing can be fine, depending on the people we’re with and the situation. Give yourself the same degree of freedom you give your friends, when they have girlfriends along.
Congratulations on the new boyfriend and give your friends my regards.
©2002
Mr. Les B. Frank offers guidance counseling to people of all ages. Some letters are edited for length, spelling or grammar and all become the property of Les B. Frank. Send your questions and requests for guidance to HeyMrFrank@aol.com