Arts
Tight Harmonies and Good Stories: Wishing Chair
Sex and Self-Help
| The Big Bang: Nerve’s Guide to the New Sexual Universe I Will Survive ... and So Will You | Sex and Self-Help |
by Scott Sherman
This month we look at two self-help books, The Big Bang: Nerve’s Guide to the New Sexual Universe, and I Will Survive · and You Will Too, Tammy Faye (Bakker) Messner’s new tome. Although you would think these two books couldn’t be more unrelated, there is a thread that ties them together: Nerve’s book is all about screwing, while Tammy Faye’s is all about getting screwed.
First, The Big Bang. Nerve is a popular website devoted to sex and sexuality, and this is their first printed book. Nerve’s experience in the area shows: The Big Bang is fun, smart and educational. It’s this generation’s The Joy of Sex, only not judgmental and creepy.
There are one-liners throughout the book that give you a sense of its irreverent, intelligent approach to sex education. “Fellating is fun but it’s hard work; after twenty minutes, it’s just hard work.” “The male g-spot is Mother Nature’s reward for guys who open themselves up to a little anal action.” “The vagina is a lot like the revamped VW Bug: There’s a lot more room in there than you’d think.”
The Big Bang teaches you not only how to navigate the main highway of intercourse, but all the side roads as well. There’s extensive coverage of topics such as manual stimulation, oral and anal sex, and bondage. You know a book is comprehensive when fisting and female ejaculation each gets its own chapter! There’s also a lot of good health information covering sexually transmitted diseases and genital self-care.
You also get helpful sidebars on a variety of interesting trivia. Looking for how to make oral sex better for your partner? “Flavor Savers” lists food that “may affect the way both men and women taste and smell down there, for better or worse.” “Off to the Side” teaches us that “Arousal is fabulous for anal relaxation, so don’t leave the foreplay at home. But once you’re in the process of ‘moving in,’ lay off the body’s other major hot zones – tweaking a nipple, tickling a clit, or caressing a penis can cause inopportune sphincter contractions. Once you’re in, however, everything’s free game again.”
Although it’s mainly directed at straights, The Big Bang goes out of its way to be gay-friendly. Even the photos (which range from PG 13 to R ratings) feature a variety of same-sex couples (as well a sprinkling of friendly-looking three-ways). But since bodies come in only so many configurations, even the most hetero-directed advice will probably work for you, too. This book is the Olympic pool of sex: whether you’re looking to learn the basics of the breaststroke, or the intricacies of advanced swimming, The Big Bang makes it easy to dive right in.
Unlike The Big Bang, the former Tammy Faye Bakker’s book is a mess, and not a particularly fun one either. While it does feature some enjoyable campiness, it’s mostly morose and unfortunate. The title I Will Survive... and You Will Too sounds inspiring, but unless you’re looking for someone to whom you can feel superior, it would be hard to describe this book as uplifting.
Early on, Tammy Faye signals that she doesn’t harbor any bitterness towards her famously bad past, saying that you can’t drive forward with your eye on the rear view mirror (or something like that, I can’t bear to look to look it up), but every other chapter has her harkening back to the wrongs she felt were done her. So, while she starts by sounding very above-it-all, she’s soon reminding us of “the unimaginable deceit and lies and plotting of people we thought were our friends.”
There are all kinds of bizarrenesses in this book, and they’re completely random. Mixed in with recriminations and blaming, there are chapters where Tammy Faye morphs into a demented Martha Stewart. “To make your own jewelry,” one chapter begins, “all you need is some old jewelry or clip earring backs and some E6000 glue – it glues anything to anything!”
“I took those new one-dollar coins and made the most beautiful earrings,” Tammy Faye enthuses. “I glued them to clip-on backs because they are a little heavy. I also made a matching ring.”
As lovely as that sounds, it pales next to the beauty of Tammy Faye’s poetry. “I feel good about my dogs; they don’t care/It’s not what I look like, it’s that I am there. They don’t judge me, they don’t make fun/They never hurt my feelings or make me want to run/Away where it doesn’t matter anymore/If I do or don’t go to the makeup store.”
If you’re wondering how Tammy Faye became a gay icon, this book might not provide the answer. The good news is that Tammy Faye looks like a million bucks on the cover. And the big diamond ring on her hand is probably not of her making.
Scott Sherman lives and writes in Richmond when he’s not jetting around the country for his real job.