Tongue in Cheek
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Tongue in Cheek Wedding Ups & Downs |
by Kevin Isom
I've
been having wedding bell hoorahs and wedding bell blahs lately.
On the hoorah side, I think we're
inching closer to winning the culture war. How do I know this? Two staples
of life: insurance and comics. First, in the Sunday comics, I recently
saw a Beetle Bailey strip - one of the longest running and most, one would
think, socially conservative out there - in which the old general's wife
is reading the paper and announces, "I think I'm in favor of same
sex marriages." To which the general replies, leaning over her chair,
"How about 'some sex' marriages?" Simple, to the point, humorous,
and, if you'll pardon the word, straightforward. When you've made it into
Beetle Bailey, you can make it anywhere.
And speaking of places where if you make
it, you can make it anywhere, let's turn to New York and to another staple
- and sometime bane - of life, insurance. It seems that insurance giant
GEICO (the one known for the often funny ads with their mascot, the gecko)
has agreed to extend spousal automobile coverage to same sex husbands/wives.
Now here's the tricky part: it seems that a gay couple who live in New
York (which doesn't have legalized same sex marriage) got married in Canada
(which does). But since New York's Attorney General (yet another general)
has opined that New York law recognizes same sex marriages that are performed
in jurisdictions where they're legal, New York recognizes the same sex
marriage performed in Canada. And thus, so did GEICO.
On the blah side, of course, the U.S. Senators
from the increasingly fundamentalist-dominated Republican Party (hardly
the big tent party of President Reagan anymore, is it?) decided to bring
the anti-gay marriage constitutional amendment to a vote in the Senate
before the November elections. They didn't win, but they may have stained
a few Democrats in the process by forcing them to stake out positions
that will be perceived as pro-gay. My thinking is that the attempt may
well backfire. These culture warrior Republicans would do well to read
the comics - and check their insurance before proceeding.
On a personal note, I'm experiencing my
own wedding ups and downs. A few weeks ago, my best friend, Pelka, announced
that her boyfriend of four years had proposed. She's getting married.
I was thrilled for her. He's a great guy with a dry sense of humor, even
if he is British.
Then I realized that she's getting married.
Before me.
I always figured that I was more likely
to sleep with a priest before her, and she was more likely to get married
in front of one first. Looks like I was right on both counts. (No, he
wasn't from one of those celibacy-requiring denominations, but after a
few dates I realized I'd make a terrible minister's wife. I'm far too
opinionated. And not very good at keeping my opinions to myself.)
But my best friend getting married marks
the first time that there will be a line of demarcation between us. Partly
because I CAN'T yet get married legally, and partly because I'm not ready
to. Up until now we've both been single, or we've both had serious long-term
boyfriends and significant others, though not always at the same time.
This will be different.
At least I don't have to worry about
her having children and drawing the line of demarcation further. (Most
of my friends who have had children tend to disappear into their own inwardly
focused worlds for, oh, about 18 years.) But I don't think that will be
the case with Pelka. At her age (officially, 29), she's probably older
than she'd want to be to have a child. So I might actually get there first.
At my age (officially, 33), I've begun to think about adopting an older
child. My significant other was adopted, and he's made me realize how
many wonderful children there are out there who need a loving home. I'll
keep that option open.
But for the moment, I'll bask in the joy
of my best friend's upcoming nuptials. There's a lot we'll have to figure
out.
Since she's getting married in England,
we'll be doing a bit of a number on British traditions. We've settled
on the title of Gentleman of Honor for me (I wouldn't look right in a
Maid of Honor dress, I'm afraid), though it remains unsettled whether
or not I will hold her bouquet during the ceremony. Also, under English
tradition, only the groom's Best Man gives a toast at the reception, but
I can tell you (given the aforementioned opinionated-ness), that I will
not sit idly by without my own toast to my best friend.
I may have to borrow from Beetle Bailey.
And wish her - and him - the happiest of "some sex" marriages.
Kevin Isom is the author of It Only Hurts When I Polka and Tongue in Cheek and Other Places, available at bookstores and online. He may be reached at isomonline@aol.com or www.KevinIsom.com