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Holy Daze
Holy Daze
by Glo Daley
Tis
the season to be jolly... so they say. One's jollity quotient during the
Christmas season can have a lot to do with one's politics or is that now
being referred to as one's Moral Values (M.V.'s)? Although I am a godless
Buddhist, I have a fondness for the historical Jesus, although it seems
he may have had some problematic M.V.'s of his own. Didn't he say it would
be "harder for a camel to walk through the eye of a needle, than
for a rich man to get into the Kingdom of Heaven?" Honestly, the
guy sounds like a bleeding heart liberal. Those are some harsh anti-capitalist
words.
How about a little test to determine
once and for all as we move through this lovely holiday period, just where
we stand in the hierarchy of M.V.'s, O.K.?
1.
Bringing a same-sex partner home for the holidays is... A.) An abomination.
B.) O.K. as long as you don't come out. C.) A good time, especially if
mom's queer friends are there.
2. "Jesus was born in a manger" means... A.)
His parents were unmotivated street people spoiling the town (Bethlehem).
B.) His parents were under-employed and in need of social services. C.)
His parents were a virgin and a holy ghost so they get to crash wherever
they want, o.k.?
3. "Don we now our gay apparel" sounds like...
A.) A complete and total perversion. B.) A line from my favorite Christmas
Carol. C.) Fun, fun, fun.
4. The most important thing about Chistmas is... A.)
The economy,stupid. B.) Presents. C.) Presence.
5. Jesus, on the day of his birth, said... A.) "If
you have an abortion, you will go straight to hell." B.) "If
you have an abortion you won't be pregnant any more." C.) "I
am a baby, o.k., I can't even talk yet."
6. Christmas shopping at Walmart is... A.) The best way
to get bargains. B.) Bad news because they have terrible labor practices.
C.) Aaaarrrrrrgh!
7. "Christmas is a coming and the goose is getting
fat" means... A.) It's time to kill that goose and eat it. B.) The
goose is suffering from obesity, one of America's major problems. C.)
Somebody loves that goose.
8. Jesus spent most of his time with 12 other guys because...
A.) He was resisting the temptation of being around females. B.) He was
trying to organize a fisherman's union. C.) Duh. He was a flaming f_____?
9. Christmas shopping until you are in debt is... A.)
Good for the economy. B.) Being nice to family and friends. C.) Insane.
10. Santa is... A.) A right jolly old elf. B.) A cute
tradition. C.) Another effort to dupe kids.
O.K., enough already. If you answered A at least 7 times, then you are
a winner: A Normal Member of the Moral Majority. If you answered B at
least 4 times, you are a Low-life Lily-livered Liberal Loser. If you answered
C more than 2 times, you are a Super Loser and if you don’t get
the Fear of God in you, you will fry in a hell for permanent pinko peverts.
HAPPY HOLY DAZE!
Glo Daley is an astrologer who lives in Huntington.