Out In The Mountains : News - PFLAG's Lil Venner Recognized by United Way

PFLAG's Lil Venner Recognized by United Way

Home Town Hero Runner Up Nominated by Outright

       BURLINGTON — Lil Venner has never — quite — given up, though she has felt discouraged at times, especially on those nights when she sat alone at the monthly PFLAG meeting. But, she said in a phone interview after the United Way of Chittenden County's volunteer recognition breakfast at which she was recognized with an "Honorable Mention" Hometown Hero award, "Just when I'm ready to stop doing this, someone contacts me who needs to talk to another parent."
      Kate Jerman, co-director of the LGBT youth organization Outright Vermont, nominated Venner. "Some of the youth here call her 'the Cookie Lady' — she bakes for us on an almost weekly basis. She's always at Youth Pride to offer hugs. Besides," Jerman declares, "she is PFLAG."
      PFLAG is the Parents, Friends and Family of Lesbians and Gays. As outlined on the national group's website, "The idea for PFLAG began in 1972 when Jeanne Manford marched with her gay son in New York's Pride Day parade," carrying a sign reading, 'Parents of Gays: Unite in Support of Our Children.' "After many gay and lesbian people ran up to Jeanne during the parade and begged her to talk to their parents, she decided to begin a support group. The first formal meeting took place in March 1973 at a local church. Approximately 20 people attended."
      "I was so touched when Kate [Jerman] began reading the nomination. I thought I was going to get a free breakfast and then go home. It was such an honor to actually win an award, I'm still just kind of mulling it over. I'm used to working in the background. I don't expect any return, just knowing deep down that I'm making a difference."
      Venner has some concerns about the continuance of PFLAG, not that she's leaving any time soon. Those meetings where no one else came are one concern, although she said, "We've got some new blood in, but there isn't really anyone else to grab the ball and run with it."
      Most of the parents find her through the PFLAG national website (www.pflag.org). Asked whether PFLAG is still needed when it has become easier to "come out," especially in Vermont, where our civil rights are legally protected, Venner doesn't hesitate to answer a clear yes.
      "One woman came up to me [at the award breakfast] and said, 'You're just very important in my life. I was rejected when I came out, and I have to know there are parents who are accepting.'" Recently, a lesbian family with children new to the neighborhood told Venner that their kindergarten-age child was subjected to a homophobic remark at C.P. Smith school. Venner encouraged her neighbor to raise the issue at school and offered her help as a parent advocate; her grandchildren attend the same school.
      Venner volunteers for several organizations, and for some of her volunteer colleagues elsewhere, her recognition for PFLAG came as a revelation. It also came with a $500 check for PFLAG, which she promptly signed over to Outright Vermont.
      Organizations who are not members of the United Way can nominate volunteers for recognition, Jerman explained. Outright is not a member and has had two of its nominees in a row achieve "Honorable Mention" Hometown Hero status. Last year, Dan Berns took the honors. "We don't have the resources to do the kind of volunteer recognition that we'd like to, or that the United Way does. We have two staff members — we wouldn't be here without volunteers."