Features
Cherokee Nation Upholds Lesbian Marriage
Another
First for
Martin and Lyon
Coming Out: Branching Out
Coming Out:
"Branching Out"
Editor's note: This is the second in a two-part series. The first part can be found in our January issue.
by
Will Holden
So,
when I last left off, I had told my friends and parents about my homosexuality.
Of course, I must have told others as well, and here are the smaller stories
of those people and how I managed to tell them. Working up the courage
with these individuals was difficult, but not nearly as daunting as the
encounters with my parents. Also note that the highs and lows of my secret
hadn't vanished, but had severely gone down from my first days of being
closeted.
The first person I would
like to mention would be my stepsister Stephanie. She and I were very
close a while back, when her father and my mother had first married. She'd
tell me her dirty little secrets and I'd offer my own insight on what
the hell was wrong with her. It was a good relationship. It was another
day of just the two of us at home. She was talking about going somewhere
with her current boyfriend. I wasn't sure how to say what was on my mind,
but then let slip that my current boyfriend and I would be going to an
event happening in Fair Haven's park.
I said this with a smile and
a laugh, and I could tell she wasn't believing me. I usually made jokes,
so who could blame her for thinking this was just that. She soon realized
that I wasn't joking and proceeded to cover her mouth to try and cover
the "big drama gasp" that soon erupted. She didn't mind it at
all, and I knew then that she'd be the one to talk to about boyfriends
and gay issues whenever needed.
At this time we no longer
live together, and have parted a little bit. She knows I'm gay though,
and doesn't mind it still. We laugh and joke about it, and when she sees
me with a guy, she always asks if he's "with" me.
My other sister, April, was
a different matter in how she found out. I never told her, as I was never
quite sure how to work that into a conversation. "Hey April, how
are the kids, and-would you look at that guy doing construction!"
Yeah... no. Steph dutifully told her though. When that was I am not sure,
but April doesn't really care either, which doesn't surprise me much.
She's a warm, loving person, and even told me that my "friend",
as she called him, could come to her kids' first birthday party.
Moving right along to my dear
aunt Maggie. I told her straight out (yeah, pun, let's move right along).
It was the day my father got remarried, and she was the one to drive me
home from the reception. I asked her if dad had told her I was gay, and
the tone of her voice immediately told me no. We spoke a little awkwardly
about it for a couple of minutes. She's another sweet person, but I could
tell that the suddenness of it really shocked her.
She asked me what others had
asked before her. She asked, "what if you wake up tomorrow and you're
not gay?" I wanted to tell her that it didn't work like that, or
that if it did happen she'd be the first to know. I don't think that I
actually mustered out an answer and we never really spoke about that again.
I don't think she really minds, but as always, how do you fit that in?
Everyone has that grandmother.
You know the one! She quilts and cooks, goes to church and cleans. Watches
Lifetime movies, and takes the morning walks. The one that always smiles
and always has a warm feeling. Everyone has that grandmother, but how
in the world do you tell them you're gay? Here's the trick I've used before.
You don't!
The first part of my article
was just about to come out (am I not a funny guy?) in the paper, and she
wanted a copy. I knew that I would need to talk to her, but had no idea
how to do so. I told my father about this problem, and he called her up
that night (without me quite knowing this). He told her what the article
was about, but was soon surprised himself. Maggie, from over a year ago,
had told grandma about me being gay. This told me two things. One, that
Maggie had accepted my sexuality as fact, and two, that grandma was already
prepared.
The fact that she had known
for a while and not said anything or acted any different, meant to me
that she wasn't really bothered by this. Not saying that I thought she
was going to go ballistic, I also didn't think that she wouldn't say anything
if she did know. She did sound disappointed that I wouldn't have a little
girl that looked like an Indian, but let’s just skip right along...
My stepmother was a different
case than the rest of these family members. I did tell her, a long while
back. If memory serves right, it was before she and my father had even
married. She didn't really say anything negative, and was seemingly supportive.
Well, actually no. She still said that I'd find a nice girl someday and
I gave up after a few minutes of "but I don't want a nice girl!"
Time passed and we never really needed
to say anything else on the issue. This may have been a bad move on my
part. In all actuality, I think she forgot! She's made comments that when
I get a girlfriend a lot of my problems will go away, and has also asked
if I have one yet. Judging by the tone of her voice, it is hard to understand
whether she actually forgot, or if she's just being snide. Either way,
it is quite uncalled for. We don't have a really solid relationship, so
I guess I can deal. It is sad though, as she is a part of my family.
There they are, the other key
figures that know. Besides my cousin Danny who found out purely by looking
into a book I was published in, and seeing my author profile. Also my
other cousins, who may or may not know. A lot of loose ends still need
tying, and a lot more are still totally unraveled.
You may be wondering what's
going on in my world as of now. Well, where I last left off, my father
was doing fine with me, and still is. My mother, wasn't so okay with it.
I am happy to state a change in situation. The last article may have been
misleading, and I'm here to tell you how she's doing now.
Every Wednesday at four,
I am in a GLBTQ group (Identity Project) at Rutland Mental Health. It's
a small one, but we have enough people to help run it. My mother clears
time out of her day every week to take me there, and never really minds
it. (The fact that it is in Rutland Mental Health maybe, but the group
itself, no.) We have begun getting comfortable and have been making jokes
just like my friends and I do. She's come a long way, and I would like
to thank my mother for doing so.
Coming out certainly isn't
a quick process, nor is it one that may ever end. No matter how old you
are, or what position you're in, you'll always have to say to someone
"oh yeah, I'm gay." Even though it might never end, at least
it truly does get easier and easier over time. That's something that I
think a lot of people should look forward to, and should think about when
coming out for the first times seem so rough.
For more information on the group serving Rutland County, contact Karen
Grimm at Rutland Mental Health Services, 775-4388.
Will Holden is a junior at Fairhaven Union High School.