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Standing Up for Rainbow Families
Standing Up for Rainbow Families
by
Janine Kirchgassner
It
all started Innocently enough. I eagerly volunteered to be a chaperone
for my child's second-grade field trip. As we all sat down to eat our
brown bag lunches, I was seated at a table, wrapped with six of my daughter's
classmates. Much to my surprise, after taking a big bite of my PB and
J, a curious, toothless, cautious child asked me, "How come Jessica
doesn't have a Dad?" Seriously, I almost choked on my food. It's
not that I am naive or have my head buried in the sand when it comes to
the differences our family has, but honestly, I would never have envisioned
that at this time, in this place, and under these circumstances I would
have to address the conception of my child.
So I did what any confused parent
would do - I did not answer the question. Unfortunately, the shy child
sitting across from me asked, "How come Jessica has a different last
name than you?"
Now that was a question I could
answer without revealing that Jessica is indeed the product of five years
of inseminations taking place over two states, with fertility treatments,
psychological evaluations, our longtime physician refusing to perform
inseminations due to his personal beliefs, and many, too many negative
results on a pregnancy test. That Jessica and her younger brother are
indeed the children of a lesbian couple who have endured ups and downs
for more than 15 years.
So I told her that I adopted
Jessica. It is the truth, just not the whole truth.
The above conversation
happened the day after Williston School District held its public forum
to discuss the events surrounding the prompt cancellation of Outright
Vermont's anti-bullying presentation. As a member of the community with
one child in the public school system and another entering next fall,
I was personally devastated by the controversy this presentation seemed
to conjure up in the community. Parents, educators, and all members of
a community must understand the ripple effect gay-bashing and name calling
can have on children. As if it is not horrific enough to image a gay teen
enduring the daily stress, we also have to remember that there are children
out there who are being raised in gay families. There are children attending
our public schools who have gay uncles, aunts, or significant others who
are also uncomfortable with negative talk about gay people.
I understand that talking to children
about being gay and all that entails is a daunting task, but parents must
realize that kids today have been exposed to the idea and may need parental
guidance to answer questions. Families in our community must pull their
heads out of the sand and realize that their child will be exposed to
gay educators, coaches, and parents. It is my sincere hope that parents
explain to their children that it is not acceptable to taunt, tease or
otherwise harm another child based on their family makeup.
My daughter, in all her sheltered
innocence, simply answered her classmate, "I don't have a dad. I
have two moms."
It will happen. My family
will brush up against straight families in the most simple ways. At the
playground where both my children interchangeably call both my partner
and I "Mom." At school, both moms will walk our children to
class and volunteer in the classroom and through t-ball, ballet, and at
the play structure at Pizza Putt.
Chances are the middle school children
at Williston have long ago been exposed to the notion of homosexuality.
Television has had its share of out gay celebrities. Rosie, Ellen and
"Will and Grace," to name a few - not to mention the fact the
state they reside in has voted to allow civil union status to gay couples.
So we all agree that our children
today have been and will be exposed to the concept of homosexuality, and
now we need to agree on how to address this issue. As an openly lesbian
mother, I have to be aware of the disrespect, avoidance, and uncomfortable
feelings my family may provoke.
I can only hope and pray
that our society will become a kinder and gentler place, where my children
will be judged on the content of their individual characters rather than
the sexual orientation of their parents.
So I say thank you, Williston
School District, for addressing this complex and controversial issue.
Moreover, by canceling the event, you gave a shining, public example of
the exact type of bullying behavior we are desperately trying to eradicate.
Janine Kirchgassner lives with her family in South Burlington. She
and partner Julia moved here a year ago from Florida with their children
so Janine, a nonbiological parent, could legally adopt Jessica, 7, and
Matthew, 5. They all enjoy hiking through the beautiful Vermont landscape.