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Menopause: It'll Happen to You
Gay Men's Chorus Sings Its Way Across VT
Youth Zone
If you’re between the ages of 15-25 and
have something to say, this page is for
YOUR stories, commentary, toons, art and pix.
Contact editor@mountainpridemedia.org
Show Your Pride
by Alessia Johnson-Brick
I
have grown up with many friends in the community and, like my mum, I always
hoped that as I grew, the gap between folks would be obliterated, not
widened. It makes me sad to see the problems my friends still have.
I started drawing variations of my “gay
pride” lions when I was a child. I drew a picture of Noah’s
Ark that happened to have two male lions instead of male and female. I
saw nothing odd with that, and said “why wouldn’t there be
two boy lions?” (The truth was I was much better at drawing male
lions than female). I tended to draw groups of male lions together and
one day I thought, “heh, they’re gay lions, that’s why
they are always together, a gay pride of lions.” I have doodled
the characters now and then ever since.
I hadn’t drawn them for a while until
I decided to draw them to cheer up a friend of the family, who had a bad
day dealing with homophobia at work.
When my mum said she wanted to do
something to make more people aware of the situation facing the community
today, she asked my new husband and I if we would be interested in helping.
We were happy to oblige. We hope to create more fun things between us
as time goes on.
Alessia Johnson-Brick, 22, was about 10 or so when she first came
up with the gay pride lions idea. She and her husband are moving to Burlington.
Contact Alessia and her mother, Anita Johnson, at somewherearoundtherainbow@yahoo.com
for more information about their collection of gay pride postcards.
Holding Hands Over Barriers
by Cedric Davis
People in the queer community routinely
enter into relationships that may not be legally supported or socially
accepted. These relationships require special care and oftentimes a lot
of creativity to function properly. Interracial relationships within the
queer community are no exception. People who enter into these relationships
dare to transcend the norms of the past by forming relationships that
just 50 years ago were not only taboo, but illegal. Their struggles often
echo the struggles of those dating someone of the same gender or someone
who does not conform to the social binary: all of these relationships
require sensitivity and a willingness to compromise.
The perception is that dating someone
with whom you have more similarity is easier, that you can find common
ground with a person of your own culture than you could with someone who
was more different. But I don’t buy it. I believe that there is
more diversity within any given cultural group, regarding how people interact
in a relationship, than there is across cultural groups.
For that reason, I think that people
are less apt to make assumptions based on preconceived notions of similarity.
In my experience, I have found that it is never safe to assume anything
that you have not confirmed with the person that you love or the person
you seek to have a relationship with. Assumptions breed unrealistic expectations
for the people we love, and can put a strain on an otherwise healthy relationship.
To expect something from a relationship
when you do not ask for it is unfair to the person you are in a relationship
with, and can breed bad feelings, anxiety, and disappointment. The societal
pressure to conform, a direct descendent of the racism and xenophobia
of the earlier part of the 20th century, is real and difficult to overcome.
The stereotypical portrayal of interracial
relationships in popular culture is based in part on the real beliefs
of people in all cultural communities.
If you have seen Save the Last
Dance, then you have seen a lot of the arguments against interracial
dating. This movie, among other things, is about a young interracial Chicago
couple played by Julia Stiles and Sean Patrick Thomas.
The two enter into a relationship
after Thomas’ character teaches Stiles’ character to dance
hip-hop. In the movie, the family and friends of both characters argue
that each is being disloyal to their backgrounds.
Further, these loved ones contend
that the two are selfish to value the relationship that they are in over
the societal perception of their love.
The notion that interracial dating
takes away from the already small pool of good dating candidates within
the black male community does not hold water. This notion assumes that
this person would date exclusively within their race and that if they
were not busy dating men, they would date women. There is also the notion
that it is selfish to be with someone who makes other people uncomfortable.
But that assumes a lot about how much
other people should have a role in determining how and with whom we express
our love. In the queer community, we already have to contend with people
who value their own comfort with how we express our love for each other
over our need to express love with our companions.
A relationship consists of the people
who share their lives and work to support each other to the exclusion
of all others. When people make the unrealistic demand that from the outside,
they should be comfortable with a relationship, they are saying that their
feelings are more important than the feelings of the people who are actually
in the relationship.
We need to work together to validate
safe, productive, and healthy relationships wherever they exist between
consensual people. We should validate those relationships that make people
happy, and not try to impose our beliefs about how other people should
live their lives. As a community, we need to make good on our demand to
love who we love and share our love as we see fit, and not allow others
to demean our lives.
Cedric Davis is a Burlington College student who will be studying
at the Community College of Vermont in the fall. He is living in Vermont
as a change from the fast pace of the larger D.C. metropolitan area.
Reaching Out
a
new advice column by Will Holden
Dear Will,
I’ve been out for a little while
now and everything is going great. Recently, I have made a new friend
and we share a lot in common. He’s really a great guy, but I’m
not completely sure of how he feels about me. I know that he has a girlfriend,
but sometimes he doesn’t seem interested in her. Other times they
seem very close. Whenever I think that they’re a great couple, he
starts giving me signs as if he liked me. Some of his signs are as simple
as little looks and the way he speaks to me. He leads me on and it’s
just getting very confusing. What should I do?
— 16 year-old in Fair Haven
Dear Confused in Fair Haven,
I’m glad that everything is
going well, being out and all, but it’s a shame that your relationship
with your new friend isn’t more defined. If he has a girlfriend
and seems close, than usually I’d say back away, but if he’s
giving you signs, approach with caution. I know it would be difficult,
and really scary to do this, but it may be something that you must do.
Try scoping the situation out a little first. Observe how he is with his
girlfriend.
Also, make sure that he really is
leading you on, and it isn’t just your liking to him that is giving
you this impression. When you think you have him figured out, try talking
to him about this. Tell him that you think he’s been leading you
on. Make sure that you do this gently and don’t rush into this conversation.
Be gentle and make sure that you listen to his side as well. With what
I know of your situation, this is the best I can really do for you. I
hope everything works out for you, and best of luck.
— Will Holden
Dear Will,
I have a friend who doesn’t
know I’m gay yet. One problem is, she doesn’t like homosexuals
a lot, but I think she has a crush on me. I don’t know how to approach
her and tell her that I’m not interested. We’ve been friends
for as long as I remember, and I don’t want to lose that kind of
bond. I’ve been thinking about telling her I have a girlfriend or
something, but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. What should
I do?
— 17-year-old male in Castleton
Dear Castleton Friend,
First thing I can tell you is that
you definitely should NOT tell her that you have a girlfriend. That may
only make matters worse. First of all, you’ll have to make up a
person, which is never good. Secondly, it’ll just be harder to tell
her that you’re gay later on. A good choice would be just to tell
her that you’re a homosexual and get it over with. If she really
is your friend, she’ll accept you for who you are. It may be tough,
and she may not be able to turn her thoughts of you on a dime, but in
the end it is worth it.
You have said that she is a friend you’ve
had for a long time, and I can relate partly to your situation. I have
a friend who was very against homosexuals, and I was worried about that
for a while. We had known each other since we were seven, and I didn’t
want to jeopardize that friendship. When he finally found out, sure he
was surprised, but he quickly got over it. He realized that I’m
still the same person I was and since then it hasn’t even been an
issue. So I advise that you tell your friend the truth, to save you both
a lot ofheartache in the end. Again, ease into it, and consider her feelings.If
she needs time for it, give her time. Give her space, but make sure that
she does deal with it. I hope this helps you.
— Will Holden
Reaching Out advice columnist Will Holden invites anyone else who
has questions, comments, or concerns to contact him at 1-802-683-6072
or e-mail him at wholden7@aol.com