Editorial
Guest
Editorial
A Coming Out Story
Thanks
to Lynn for the opportunity to write this guest editorial for Out In the
Mountains.
While I facilitate the R.U.1.2? Coming
Out Support Group, these discussions are confidential. The group has heard
courageous, funny, and agonizing coming out narratives. To honor group
members, I would like to tell my story of fully coming out when a gay
elder.
I always privately acknowledged my
sexuality, at least to myself, since I was sexually aware in my preteens.
Life was good to me with two decade-long relationships commencing when
I was 17. Following these separations, I was partnered with the love of
my life, Larry, for 27 years. Larry died in April, 2005.
During all of these years, neither
my partners nor I considered coming out. We never discussed the issue.
Looking back, I believe that our inaction was due to lack of visible role
models, societal pressure, and unawareness of any reason to come out.
During Larry’s final weeks, I
was supported by many straight friends, including neighbors, in our very
rural community. Our relationship was openly acknowledged by these wonderful
men and women, many of whom have lived their entire lives in this community.
So much for rural rednecks!
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Church friends were also supportive.
During Larry’s wake, many inquired about the duration of our partnership.
I openly termed Larry as my partner during introductions with no distancing
or apparent discomfort from those involved. Many of these friends, and
we are Catholic, still reminisce about Larry.
Following Larry’s death, I became
involved in community groups as a volunteer. It had been 10 years since
my retirement. Many asked
my whereabouts since retirement, as I had largely remained at home to
care for Larry.
At this point, I decided to honor
Larry and our very long-term partnership. It was the correct thing to
do. I told inquirers, “I have been caring for my partner, who died
from cancer.”
I was, admittedly, at first unsure
and concerned about listeners’ responses. Not to worry! That was
June, 2005, and I continue to come out to this day. I have not experienced
one unpleasant incident. And,
not all persons to whom I speak are of a liberal persuasion.
The
only disturbing responses have come from those who wished candor from
us long ago so they might have fully shared our lives. I find these wishes
very poignant and moving.
We do not have to come out alone.
Gay friends can help, as can gay-friendly straights (and there are many
of these). R.U.1.2? offers a Coming Out Support Group. Phone 1-802-860-7812
(the center) or Joe (518-293-7528) for info. For those of us in the exciting
state of being gay and an elder, the Gay Elders Project meets at R.U.1.2?
every 4th Thursday from 5:15 to 6:30.
Come out when you are ready. Support
exists.
Joe Swinyer
September 13, 2006