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Views: Quest for Integrity of Body and Soul
Views from
Vermont:
The Quest for Integrity of
Body and Soul
The Need for a Transgender Support
Group in Burlington
by Sarah Flynn
Within
the LGBTQ community, transgender/transsexual people still encounter problems
somewhat unique from that of other queer folk. For us, it is often not
simply a problem of nonconformity to gender stereotypical roles or appearance.
Appearing "butch" if you are a female, or "too soft"
or effeminate if you are male, will indeed create problems for you; but
if you still think of yourself as essentially your birth gender with rough
or soft edges to it, you can check the appropriate box on the application
forms when needed and still get by.
For
those folks who deep in their souls feel a compelling need to change their
birth gender and their physical anatomy, there is a much more difficult
road to travel. Coming out in this case is really a twofold event. The
first part has to do with one's sense of personal identity in terms of
gender. The second part of coming out has to do with affectional or sexual
orientation. Fixing one does not necessarily solve the other. Often, dealing
with sexual orientation is a delayed second step; taken only later in
life after having gotten to a place where one is at ease with one's new
gender identity and body.
When sexual orientation is sorted
out and the need for intimacy becomes more pressing, the problem then
becomes "will a non-trans person accept and fall in love with a person
like me?" Fearing rejection, I suspect many my age did as I did,
and simply didn't take the risks to find out. Transitioning in 1978, there
was abundant evidence that I, as a transwoman, would not be welcome among
lesbian women. I eventually left the gay and lesbian worlds and made my
friends among the straight community. I gave up on the idea of intimate
relationships for 15 years.
Much has changed since my first
coming out as a trans person, so that finding a same-sex partner is a
little less difficult in this time of gender queerness. Still, beneath
the more accepting climate in the queer community, those who cross the
gender lines by hormonal and anatomical changes still encounter a certain
amount of misunderstanding in the form of "is that physical change
really necessary?"
Well, if being gender queer
is thought to be basically a head-trip in which one legitimately objects
to forced roles and appearances; then yes, these physical interventions
will seem like capitulation to internalized oppressive social standards.
But if what is going on in trans people is not simply a political decision,
but one that arises from a fundamental emotional need for personal integrity
and psychic integration, then this is not a matter of fitting into the
external world and its expectations. It is first and foremost a matter
of being honest with oneself and seeking to express that self honestly
and openly as a whole human being.
I remember the prayer of a trans
friend of mine. "O God," she prayed, "make me one way or
the other, I don't care which, just make me whole." She wanted an
end to the inner turmoil and could live with the social consequences.
The Trans Support Group meets
the first Wednesday of each month from 6:30 to 8 pm at R.U.1.2? Queer
Community Center, 34 Elmwood Ave. in Burlington. Contact the center at
860-7812 for a call back if you have questions before coming to the group.
Sarah Flynn is the Trans Support Group's facilitator.
photo provided by Sarah Flynn.